Quote · 2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
The End Is Here w/ Ari Shaffir | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
Where this was said
Booze Tales & Sobriety Influencers
At 56:59 · chapter starts 47:30
With his phone's algorithm now entirely colonized by sobriety content, Bert launches into a sustained, funny rant against sobriety influencer culture. He singles out the 300-day-sober guy who clears a million dollars a year selling his story, and the reformed addict who credits God and church while Bert argues they're still one relapse away from their old habits. [1] — Bert Kreischer "Every algorithm has been feeding Bert sobriety content since his blood clot — and he's had enough. The guy with 300 sober days who clears a…" 53:00 The philosophical core of the rant: the number of sober days is itself a trap — he recounts a conversation with a man 375 days sober who told Bert the number was 'fucking him up.' Tom draws a parallel to Duolingo streaks, which he maintained for four years before deliberately walking away. Bert then makes a case for low-dose cannabis as an incremental-consumption alternative to alcohol, but concludes that the irreplaceable social magic of drinking is the ritual of incremental ordering — 'do you want another one?' — which edibles can never replicate.
Bert Kreischer got a blood clot in his leg that traveled to his lungs, forcing him onto blood thinners and off alcohol for 6 months.
Bert Kreischer's late friend Carl had a ritual at the airport Admiral's Club: he'd hand Bert a White Russian in a coffee mug so it looked like Bert was sipping coffee on the plane. This was after a morning that started with a 64-ounce vodka soda in the car service. Old-school, unfiltered drinking culture at its peak.
After 3 months of sobriety, Bert Kreischer reported his liver enzyme numbers dropped from the high 30s-40s range down to the 18-20 range.
Bert's liver and blood pressure are better than they've been in years after 3 months sober — and he cannot wait to wreck them again on July 12th. His theory: no one has a legacy, life is a cash grab, and the sobriety influencers claiming otherwise are just monetizing their own weakness.
Every algorithm has been feeding Bert sobriety content since his blood clot — and he's had enough. The guy with 300 sober days who clears a million dollars a year selling his story, the reformed addict who's one bump away from relapse but has found God: Bert argues neither has actually fixed anything, they've just repackaged the problem.
The social magic of alcohol is the imbibing ritual — 'do you want another one?' You can't replicate that with a 10mg edible and a two-hour wait. Bert wants someone to make 1mg weed the same way alcohol exists in 5% ABV, so the social loop of drinking-but-going-again is preserved.
