Before the episode formally begins, Bert and Tom deliver what amounts to an extended, comedic infomercial for their own vodka brand Por Osos. Bert opens with the hyperbolic claim that Por Osos is 'better than pussy' and credits it for improved sleep scores, while Tom pivots to legitimate marketing talking points about a proprietary distillation process and competition gold medals. The bit leans into absurdist sincerity — they're clearly selling their own product, but the sheer enthusiasm makes it work as entertainment. Bert closes with a gag about walking into bars and literally handing out bottles.

Tom Segura brings in Ari Shaffir and wastes no time pivoting to the main event: the launch of The End, Ari's independently produced storytelling series, dropping on 4/20. Tom praises the lineup — Nate Bargatze, DeStefano Gillis, Jordan Jensen, Jay Oakerson, Ali Siddiq, Miss Pat — as 'pretty crazy.' ^{[1] — Tom Segura "The End is independently produced storytelling where every comedian gets a cut of the revenue — not the typical 'here's $200, thanks for be…" 01:37 Play} The most notable structural innovation is that every comedian participates in backend revenue, which Bert notes is essentially unheard of in the podcast and comedy space. Ari agrees that it's been an uphill battle reputation-wise, since people assume he's cheap. The conversation briefly touches on Comedy Central's irrelevance, with Ari delivering the cutting observation that 'nobody knows what a network is' anymore.

A memory about Ari having to drop his pants during an early YouTube shoot for This Is Not Happening — with Bert shouting 'dick out this time' — spirals into a conversation about Ari's notably large testicles, which he compares to a Buck Rogers alien with superhuman strength. From there, the three comics debate ideal female height, with Ari declaring anything over 5'4" is 'gross' while Bert admits he felt like he was 'fucking a dude' when he dated a 5'10" woman. Bert introduces Doug, a Tampa friend whose girlfriend couldn't enjoy sex because his penis was 'too big,' leading to the question of whether having a large penis is the most feminist thing a man can do — Ari argues yes, because it exists purely for the pleasure of others. The whole exchange is a master class in how these three let conversations detour into absurdity before snapping back.

After the ShipStation ad, Bert Kreischer finally gets to tell the full story of the Tracy Morgan near-collaboration. Ari reveals he made multiple trips to New York to make it happen, and that the failed inclusion of Bert, Carlos Mencia's stand-in character Diaz, and Sean Patton were the three biggest regrets of the show's production. The centerpiece is the Chrysler Building meeting: Ari reached out through mutual connection Frosty, Tracy FaceTimed Bert out of nowhere demanding to hear the story, and an in-person meeting was arranged at CAA. Tracy arrived convinced he was there to make a movie, demolished multiple Chick-fil-A breakfast sandwiches, and proceeded to corroborate every detail of Bert's story from the blunt (he called it a blunt, not a joint) to the champagne toast at the bar. Ari, sitting silently, was repeatedly mistaken for Bert's Jewish lawyer. The whole room was magic — but Tracy's team called shortly after to say he was too busy, and Bert was left with only verbal permission to tell the story that people still don't believe. ^{[1] — Bert Kreischer "Bert Kreischer has told a Tracy Morgan story for years that people assumed he fabricated. Ari arranged a meeting at the Chrysler Building w…" 09:30 Play}

Picking up from the Tracy Morgan morning show discussion, Bert, Tom, and Ari dissect the genuine absurdity of comedy promotional morning show appearances. Tom recalls realizing almost nobody watching a 7 AM news show is actually going to buy a ticket, which led him to invent a fake DJ alter ego and fake after-parties just to generate clips. Bert adds that Sam Morril has mastered the modern version — going for genuinely hard jokes and using the horrified hosts as reaction content. ^{[1] — Bert Kreischer "Daniel Tosh cracked the code on morning radio promotions: he did his tightest bits but presented them as genuine answers to interview quest…" 38:55 Play} But the consensus gold standard is Daniel Tosh, who did tight stand-up material without signaling to the hosts that he was doing bits, turning what could be a throwaway promo into a proper performance. Ari briefly recounts returning from Ecuador and rediscovering the dissonance of New Jersey conservative morning radio.

Bert opens up about the medical event behind his sobriety: a blood clot formed in his leg and traveled to his lungs, requiring blood thinners and complete alcohol abstinence. His first reaction was panic about the Super Bowl, the Daytona 500, and the South Beach Food and Wine Festival. ^{[1] — Bert Kreischer "Blood clot forced sobriety: Bert Kreischer got a blood clot in his leg that traveled to his lungs, forcing him onto blood thinners and off …" 47:41 Play} Three months in, he reports dramatically improved liver enzyme numbers (down to 18-20 from the mid-40s) and blood pressure good enough to come off medication. But he has no intention of staying sober beyond July 12th — and the three spend significant time debating the ideal location for his first drink back. Tom argues he needs to leave the country to truly unplug; the Caribbean is the consensus winner over Chicago and New York, which are great drinking cities but not 'go hard for three days' venues. Ari notes he's 92 days sober and also not drinking, though his sobriety isn't medically mandated.

With his phone's algorithm now entirely colonized by sobriety content, Bert launches into a sustained, funny rant against sobriety influencer culture. He singles out the 300-day-sober guy who clears a million dollars a year selling his story, and the reformed addict who credits God and church while Bert argues they're still one relapse away from their old habits. ^{[1] — Bert Kreischer "Every algorithm has been feeding Bert sobriety content since his blood clot — and he's had enough. The guy with 300 sober days who clears a…" 53:00 Play} The philosophical core of the rant: the number of sober days is itself a trap — he recounts a conversation with a man 375 days sober who told Bert the number was 'fucking him up.' Tom draws a parallel to Duolingo streaks, which he maintained for four years before deliberately walking away. Bert then makes a case for low-dose cannabis as an incremental-consumption alternative to alcohol, but concludes that the irreplaceable social magic of drinking is the ritual of incremental ordering — 'do you want another one?' — which edibles can never replicate.

The national championship game story begins with Bert and Tom having successfully lost enough weight for the bet, staying in Atlanta's Fourth Ward across from Ebenezer Baptist Church. Miss Pat warned them about the crowds, but nothing prepared them for what Bert describes as a Vietnam-evacuation-level mob scene — made worse by Trump's arrival. Tom's solution: locate two young Black men in official-looking blue coats, hand them $300 each, and have them clear a path through the all-white crowd, which worked brilliantly until a woman called out Tom for using them specifically because 'we wouldn't say anything.' The two men immediately walked off. Bert and Tom were left stranded next to their accuser, with Bert announcing 'I'm on Netflix, motherfucker' to a crowd that had never heard of either of them. ^{[1] — Bert Kreischer "Faced with a Vietnam-level mob outside the national championship game, Tom Segura handed two strangers in blue coats $300 each to escort hi…" 1:01:00 Play}

The closing stretch covers logistics: The End is available now at theend.ymhstudios.com, priced at approximately $30 for the full season or $6 per episode, with a free prologue included when you buy any episode except Nate Bargatze's standalone. Ari discloses he recorded bumpers in South America expecting a $50 price point before Tom talked him down by pointing out that $50 is a week's salary for many listeners. Bert confirms he is 92 days sober, asks if he can smoke weed at the 5K, and floats the idea of having Snoop Dogg arrive via zip line to hand him a blunt. Tom and Ari sign off with a quick Duolingo exchange before the outro jingle closes the episode, followed by a sponsored Mood cannabis ad read from the show's ad reader.