Multiamory: Rethinking Modern Relationships

Snapshot · Multiamory: Rethinking Modern Relationships

578 - Getting Back Together with an Ex: Great Idea or Terrible Idea?

Explore episode May 12, 2026

Where this was said

Non-Monogamy & the Ex: A Different Calculus

At 43:00 · chapter starts 40:07

Emily opens the non-monogamy segment by noting that monogamous friends often never see an ex again, while in non-monogamous communities an ex may remain embedded in a shared polycule, community events, or even ongoing consensual intimacy under a different relational label. Dedeker reflects that she has been fortunate — exes she doesn't want to see are largely disconnected from her current networks, while exes still in her orbit tend to be ones she has genuinely reconciled with and is happy to see flourishing with new partners. But she notes the more cynical pattern: being openly polyamorous creates a sheen of perpetual availability, causing past partners to reappear — sometimes under the guise of 'asking about non-monogamy' for themselves and their spouse. Jace observes that in monogamy, a partnered person is essentially off-limits, creating a frantic window when someone becomes newly single. In non-monogamy, that window never fully closes — it may be mostly shut ('polysaturated, but there's a crack'), but it rarely disappears entirely. This shifts the dynamic for exes considering a return.

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