Podbit · 2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Tom Segura's son Julian watched the Michael Jackson biopic and was confused by Joe Jackson beating Michael. He had never been hit, so he thought it was absurd. He asked for a belt, started wailing on furniture, and yelled 'You're not hitting the notes, Mike.' Tom reads this as proof his son grew up safely.
Where this was said
At 54:51 · chapter starts 54:34
The NetSuite read pitches NetSuite Next, an AI-integrated suite bringing together financials, inventory, HR, CRM, and commerce in one platform. Over 43,000 customers use it, and it's now free to try for businesses with revenues of at least $1 million via netsuite.ai/bears. The Factor Meals read positions the service as a summer-body shortcut: lean proteins, healthy fats, no artificial sweeteners, and a two-minute heat time. Bert singles out the Monterey Spinach Chicken. New subscribers get 50% off with code bears50off at factormeals.com/bears50off, plus free daily greens per box while supplies last until September 27, 2026.
A broken pipe turned the Bad Friends studio into a hydrogen sulfide chamber. The crew denied smelling anything — which, as Andrew pointed out, makes their home lives deeply suspicious.
At a childhood sleepover in Sacramento, Bobby Lee's friends drew penises all over his face while he slept. He woke up, cried, and walked 7 miles down a dirt road before Eric Purvis's mom drove out to retrieve him.
On KSI's Make Me Laugh show, Bobby Lee got slapped so hard he fell and briefly blacked out — 5 minutes into the event. The rule was to use a tortilla, but the contestant used his bare hand instead.
What starts as a riff on Amber Alerts turns into an elaborate Speed remake: Bobby is a Hollywood tour guide whose bus shares a route with a kidnapper's identical bus, there's a bomb on board, and Keanu Reeves needs to be called immediately.
Their producer riffs a conspiracy theory about Lindsey Graham's death in Kyiv, which somehow leads to Bobby and Andrew discovering that every lyric of 'A Whole New World' from Aladdin secretly describes 9/11. They are disturbingly convincing.
Bobby Lee woke up Saturday morning to find three children splashing in his pool, along with a professionally hired swimming teacher — all arranged by friends who have keys to his house. His response: 'There's just too much joy here.'
Harold Ramis told a story about Caddyshack's cast doing drugs all day and night during Florida storm delays, with half their pay going to cocaine. Bobby Lee immediately wants to make that exact movie — and offers to relapse to do it.
Robby Hoffman had never heard of 'new towels.' A towel, in her world, was built with the house. When Sarah Silverman announced she'd bought new pool towels, it was a class-gap revelation.
Will Arnett pitched the perfect rich-person home for Robby: seven-hundred-thread-count sheets and brand-new towels — but a tiny, wrecked kitchen with a coil stove, chips, and Sprite. Best of both worlds.
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