Quote · 2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Patrice O’Neal Destroyed Me | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
Where this was said
Patrice O'Neal Destroys Bert at His First Open Mic
At 35:10 · chapter starts 33:48
The Patrice stories begin with Shane Gillis's roast sensibility reminding Bert of Patrice. From there, Bert confesses Tom never met Patrice, then launches into total recall. [1] — Bert Kreischer "Patrice O'Neal's first words to Bert Kreischer were that Bert bombed so hard he made Patrice bomb after him, and that Bert couldn't even cl…" 33:54 First encounter: Bert bombs at a club, goes offstage, and Patrice immediately tells him 'you bombed so hard you made me bomb' and that Bert couldn't clean the room of his own smell. It wasn't a roast joke — it was a genuine assessment. Then Bert watched Patrice do the same to Todd Barry: no laughs, no performance, just Patrice telling Todd to his face that he would never panel successfully. [2] — Bert Kreischer "You bombed so hard, you made me bomb. You got it, man. If you're going to bomb like that, you got to do it in different rooms. You couldn't…" 35:10 The Edinburgh setup comes next: they need to tape an audition set at Caroline's for the Fringe Festival application, and right before Bert goes on, Patrice grabs his carefully prepared setlist and rips it in half. His reasoning: Bert's better when he just talks. Bert had an okay set. Not great — but okay. It was enough.
Patrice O'Neal's first words to Bert Kreischer were that Bert bombed so hard he made Patrice bomb after him, and that Bert couldn't even clean the room of his own smell. This wasn't a bit. It was a genuine assessment from a comic who would go on to systematically destroy Bert's feelings for years — and whom Bert would come to love for it.
Patrice O'Neal's first words to Bert Kreischer were that Bert bombed so hard he made Patrice bomb too, and that Bert couldn't even clean the room of his smell.
Before their Edinburgh Fringe audition taping at Caroline's comedy club, Patrice O'Neal grabbed Bert Kreischer's setlist and ripped it in half, telling him he was funnier when he just talked.
For 29 days in Edinburgh, Bert Kreischer and Patrice O'Neal lived together — watching Bruce Lee movies, listening to Jay-Z, and Patrice teaching Bert about Mobb Deep while systematically destroying him. Patrice was brutal to everyone around them, no audience required. The cerebral palsy girlfriend stories are staggering.
Bert and Patrice O'Neal lived together for 29 days in Edinburgh during the Fringe Festival, watching Bruce Lee movies and Patrice dismantling Bert's feelings.
After 25 days living together and Bert getting a CBS deal, an FX show, and a Fox development deal simultaneously, Bert told Patrice he was glad they became friends. Patrice told him flatly they were not friends, that he pitied Bert, and that without a foundation every deal he'd just gotten meant nothing. Then he asked if he could stay at Bert's parents' house in Tampa — because they're not friends.
After 25 days living together, Bert said he was glad they became friends, and Patrice told him flatly they were not friends and he pitied Bert for thinking his TV deals meant something.
