Bobby Lee opens the episode claiming to be living in the moment after spotting a bumper sticker that read 'If you get near me, I drive slower' — a declaration he found infuriating. Andrew Santino jokes that Bobby has gone full Miyagi, setting the tone for a free-associative cold open. The conversation drifts to ruined baby names: Karen has fallen out of the top 800, while Andrew controversially claims Adolf is making a comeback. A competitive game breaks out to find a name with zero recorded uses in 2024/2026 data, with Bobby nominating Pol Pot and Andrew countering with Genghis Khan. A live search confirms both sit at zero, and the game is declared a tie. The segment is pure chaotic opener energy — fast, absurd, and immediately funny.

Andrew Santino recommended the horror film Obsession to Bobby Lee, who saw it and immediately phoned producer McCone from a pizza run to declare it terrible. In a detailed critique, Bobby argues the villain's wish — wanting Nikki to love him more than anything — was too literal and didn't justify the character's behavior. He rewrites it on the spot: 'I wish Nikki Howard was crazy for me' would have been more chilling and ambiguous. He also notes the cat-in-the-lunch twist was visible from '50 miles away.' Andrew counters that Bobby is being ever the contrarian and needs to take his writer's hat off. The conversation briefly touches on Remy, Bobby's recently deceased dog who has been mummified and placed in the living room, before circling back to the broader point: Obsession proved a good premise alone can't carry a film.

Bobby Lee's algorithm kept surfacing clips of himself, and fans at his graphic novel signing started quoting his own phrases back at him — which is how he became uncomfortably aware of his own verbal tics. He pitches a game: every identified 'ism' he uses going forward costs him $5, paid to producer McCone. The live cataloguing session is chaotic: three consecutive 'yeah's is an offense, two 'no's is fine but one is the limit, 'can I say something' is an ism, 'the thing is is that' counts double, and kicking the table costs $5. The Elmo laugh — Bobby's high-pitched hysterical cackle — briefly makes the list before Bobby lobbies it out. Within the first minutes of play, he racks up roughly $40 in violations. The segment is meta-comedy at its best: the show examining itself from the inside. Andrew noted he never has to pay because he doesn't repeat Bobby's words back. ^{[1] — Bobby Lee "Bobby Lee discovered his own verbal tics through his podcast's algorithm recommendations, and committed to paying producer McCone $5 every …" 09:00 Play}

Andrew Santino uses the Obsession financial story to make a pointed observation about indie film economics: a $750,000 movie earning $200 million sounds like a triumph, but the people who actually made it were almost certainly underpaid. He notes that the studio will say 'they'll get it on the next one,' but the hard reality is not everyone gets a next one. Bobby agrees, noting he'd rather have cash than the car Blumhouse famously gave Jordan Peele as a bonus on Get Out. Andrew estimates the Obsession director will probably receive a $10M bonus and be signed to an overall deal for two more films — including what sounds like Texas Chainsaw Massacre. The segment is brief but lands a genuinely sharp industry critique inside a comedy podcast. ^{[1] — Andrew Santino "Everyone's excited that Obsession cost $750,000 and made over $200 million. But Andrew Santino points out the uncomfortable truth: nobody o…" 13:26 Play}

Andrew notices Bobby has been covering his Comedy Store tattoo with a sticker, and Bobby reveals the reason: he's in the middle of getting a new Arsenal FC gooner tattoo added above it by his exclusive tattoo artist Char. He also has a wrist star from his Fall Out Boy era that he plans to have removed. Jules and Isa arrive late, prompting greetings and gentle ribbing. The conversation quickly shifts to McCone's birthday party, which Andrew attended and described as a Midsommar-style seated circle of silent people in suits until Andrew arrived and took everyone outside. Bobby excuses himself for not attending by explaining he thought the invite was a TikTok video sent to his texts and didn't open it — a very Bobby Lee technological failure that Andrew finds entirely believable.

Bobby Lee was taking a week off from performing when a friend reminded him of a loose commitment from months ago. Feeling guilty, he called the Comedy Store on Friday and got slotted into the 8 PM main room show, bumping another comedian in the process. He reserved Mitzi's table — the most prestigious section in the club — and stood on stage watching the empty booth throughout his entire set. After the show, he confirmed with the COVID booth that nobody with his guest list had checked in. At 9:30 PM, she texted: 'Sorry, our dinner ran late.' Bobby didn't respond. The next morning she arrived at his house with four Lucky Boy burritos, six farm eggs, and her six-year-old daughter as a sympathy prop. Bobby locked himself in his bedroom and refused to come out for 30 minutes, texting Isa to check if she was gone yet. His verdict: forever dead. Andrew points out he never even texted to check in after she no-showed, which may have caused a miscommunication — but Bobby is unmoved. ^{[1] — Bobby Lee "Bobby Lee rearranged his entire Saturday to perform at the Comedy Store, reserved Mitzi's table, and his friend never showed. The kicker? S…" 19:00 Play}

The three sponsor reads flow naturally from the conversation. Andrew delivers the Cash App read, highlighting the instant card lock feature and 24/7 fraud protection — anchored by a personal story about having his card stolen. Bobby, who just went to the doctor for a blood draw that morning, takes the Superpower read, appreciating the comprehensive biomarker testing that goes far beyond a standard doctor's visit; they mention a phlebotomist visited their studio. The HexClad read leans into Bobby's new cooking hobby, with Bobby claiming he's been scrambling eggs and wanting quality cookware, and Andrew praising HexClad's nonstick performance with the standout detail that the pots are oven safe to 900 degrees with a lifetime warranty.

Bobby Lee has developed a serious shirt-distressing hobby: he soaks white shirts in instant coffee and then sands them with sandpaper to create a vintage, worn aesthetic. In practice, this involved pouring instant coffee into his swimming pool and submerging shirts — a move that freaked out his pool guy, who arrived to find the water blackened. Bobby clarifies it was instant, not ground, coffee so the filter is fine. He's been waiting to accumulate 12 shirts before taking them to a professional bulk-distressing service he learned about from a wardrobe department person on his current film project. Andrew compares the whole enterprise to Brewster's Millions — a kid given a mansion who immediately decides to put coffee in the pool — and suggests throwing the shirts in a dryer with rocks. Isa reports that the outside of the house currently looks like a chemistry experiment, with stained shirts drying in different colors all over the yard. ^{[1] — Bobby Lee "Bobby Lee's current obsession is distressing vintage shirts, and his method involves soaking them in a bucket — or his entire swimming pool…" 33:00 Play}

Bobby Lee opens this segment by proudly declaring himself Uno King after winning five consecutive games against Jules and Isa using bribery and threats. Andrew endorses the methods, noting that real kings have always ruled through bribery. Bobby then transitions to the genuine anxiety looming over the episode: Jules and Isa's mother — who serves as his housekeeper — is leaving for three months, and Isa is heading back to the Philippines on Tuesday for school. Bobby explains, with full evidence, that Isa's cleaning standard involves building a 'Pyramid of Giza' of clean but unfolded laundry on top of the dryer until everything is wrinkled. He demonstrates his deep clean vs. surface clean philosophy and questions whether Isa can be trusted to pull the fridge out. Andrew offers to send his own housekeeper. The segment ends with Bobby missing the girls before they've even left — a rare sentimental note wrapped in insults. ^{[1] — Bobby Lee "Bobby Lee declared himself Uno King after winning five games in a row against Jules and Isa. His methods included threats and bribing their…" 34:50 Play}

The Warby Parker read is kicked off by Jules wearing sunglasses in the studio (she usually wears contacts), prompting Bobby to do a Bono impression. Andrew delivers the key brand stats: prescription glasses starting at $95, 300+ US stores, in-store eye exams, and 20 million donated pairs through their charitable program. The Ultra Pouches read has Bobby actively using the product — he's had one in his mouth for 'a couple of hours.' Andrew explains the science: nicotine and caffeine pouches spike resting heart rate at night and destroy sleep quality, while Ultra has a shorter half-life and won't cause a crash. Bobby says he's actively trying to switch over.

Andrew Santino stumbles onto medieval history trivia while calling Jules and Isa 'goop farmers' — his accidental mispronunciation of the correct term 'gong farmer.' He reads from Wikipedia: a gong farmer was a Tudor-era laborer who manually removed human waste from castle cesspits and privy chutes, climbing into literal poop canals to shovel them out. Crucially, it was extremely well-paid work — picking up aristocratic poop was one of the better jobs available to a commoner. Bobby imagines the castle poop chute situation (five stories up, straight off the wall), and the group speculates about how someone small might get lowered in by rope for the annual canal cleaning — a bit that references both Brad Williams and The Shawshank Redemption. Isa reveals she cannot smell, making her the group's most qualified gong farmer. ^{[1] — Andrew Santino "In medieval and Tudor England, gong farmers manually removed human waste from castle cesspits — climbing into chutes below where nobility r…" 35:55 Play}

Andrew fantasizes about moving to the Philippines after Jules's mom leaves, imagining himself as a celebrity redhead in a small village. This prompts a genuine cultural inquiry: are there Black people in the Philippines? Isa explains the Negritos — the indigenous peoples who live on the southern islands — and Andrew looks them up, producing an uncomfortable pronunciation moment as the group navigates the Spanish diminutive etymology. Bobby announces he's been to Cebu many times and visited a village where he fed spaghetti to the residents — a charitable act that made it into his graphic novel. The conversation then turns to gang culture, and Andrew Googles Philippine gangs, discovering the Waray-Waray, the Bahala Na, and most surprisingly, active Bloods gang sets called True Brown Style operating in Cebu. Bobby and Andrew hastily clarify they are fans of all Philippine gangs and would be 'corrupt cops who'd let them go' if given the chance. ^{[1] — Bobby Lee "Bobby Lee brought a van full of cooked spaghetti, bread, and salad to a village in the Philippines, feeding the residents. There was a goat…" 1:02:36 Play [2]}

Prompted by the gang conversation, Isa recounts a childhood encounter in her Philippine village where a group of boys claimed membership in a serious gang and offered her an initiation ritual. The initiation involved two parts: eating a dead frog found in the forest, and accepting a spanking. Isa negotiated — she licked the frog (which Bobby immediately suspects was psychedelic) and refused the spanking, telling the boys no. Bobby and Andrew are incredulous that one can simply say no to a gang initiation. Bobby's theory is that the 'gang' was fabricated as cover for the real goal: spanking children. The segment culminates with Bobby doing a Sopranos impression — Tony Soprano responding to a gang member who simply doesn't want to comply with 'okay, what can we do?' — as a perfect metaphor for the Philippines' allegedly lenient gang culture. ^{[1] — Isa "Isa described a neighborhood 'gang' in the Philippines that required initiates to eat a dead frog and receive a spanking. She negotiated: s…" 58:40 Play}

Jules and Isa's recent camping trip at Leo Carrillo State Beach becomes a cautionary tale about underprepared outdoor survival. They had no fire, no flashlight (just phones), no grilling equipment, and their entire food supply was ham and cheese sandwiches with mustard — described by the group as prison food. Their phones died early, leaving them in darkness with nothing to do. The terror peaked at 4 AM when a nearby camper began screaming at his wife, just tents away, and Isa lay awake convinced she was going to die. Nobody told the man to stop. Bobby and Andrew agree: this is not real camping, it's a campsite with strangers. Real camping requires being way out. Bobby then offers his own anti-camping origin story: as a 12-year-old, his father and uncle set up a tent with Bobby and his cousin Andy, waited for them to fall asleep, then drove to a hotel and slept there. Bobby has not voluntarily camped since. ^{[1] — Bobby Lee "Bobby Lee refuses to ever camp. The reason: as a child, his father and uncle set up a tent with Bobby and his cousin, waited for them to fa…" 1:04:20 Play [2] — Andrew Santino "Andrew Santino liked the horror movie Obsession; Bobby Lee called it terrible and spent 15 minutes explaining why — the villain's wish was …" 02:43 Play}

The final segment turns genuinely warm as the reality of Jules and Isa's departure sets in. Isa returns to the Philippines Tuesday for school, and their mother is gone for the entire year. Bobby is openly concerned about having nobody to cook and clean for him, though he tries to mask it with logistics. Andrew asks what Isa has actually done with her four months in America: walked around, gone to coffee shops, hiked, declined every dinner invitation Bobby extended. Bobby reveals that the baby — now one year old and walking — says his name constantly and names Bobby as his favorite person. The show ends with Bobby asking Isa to say 'thank you for being a bad friend' in Filipino, which she does beautifully. Andrew and Bobby both say they'll miss the girls and hope they come back — a rare straight moment of genuine friendship to close out an otherwise chaotic episode.